This was a Last Man Standing match.
Awful awful stuff. Old man WWE setpiece brawl except that all they had was the Performance Center gym. Highlight was Randy and Edge calling back to one of the only wrestlers ever to get great matches out of both of them when Orton tried to hang Edge with a Bowflex. This is the sort of thing that happens when you push two Project Guys super hard for their entire careers and get tricked into thinking they’re actually good. They went on a 400 hour long tour of the building, in which they ostensibly were trying to hurt each other but also trying very hard not to harm anything in the WWE owned facility. They fought on top of a semi truck for like ten minutes and nobody took the bump. Edge hit a Conchairto on top of the truck for the win.
One of the worst matches in the history of WrestleMania. I owe every other match on these two nights so far an apology.
I owe most matches in wrestling history an apology.
We’re only three months and five days in, but this is almost definitely the worst match of the decade. Overwhelmingly bad match that you don’t come across that frequently. I can only assume this was some sort of attempt at high art, to stimulate what having the coronavirus feels like.
Fuck me.
rating: falling down the stairs forever, your favorite song no longer existing, the absence of anything good, a boot stomping on a human face forever, the concept of unending and universal suffering summed up inside of a professional wrestling match. the worst thing that ever happened to you, but it’s always happening on repeat while your significant other starts cheering for the New England Patriots.
HANDWERK 