This was a commission from frequent contributor Bren. You can be like him and pay me to watch all kings of wrestling matches, be they professional or whatever this is. If you want to do that, do a little search to make sure I haven’t already covered it, and then you can head over to www.ko-fi.com/elhijodelsimon and do that. The going rate is $5 per match and if you have some idea that is more complex than simply multiplying a number by five, hit the DMs, and I’m sure we can work something out.
This was a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger Leadership Cosplay Challenge Wrestling Match, per the video description.
We’re really pushing the boundaries here, but fuck it, all money spends.
GCW (Great Canadian Wrestling, the only GCW I respect) presents a show at an anime convention, and two Power Rangers fight for two and a half minutes while a dark metal cover of the Power Rangers theme song plays over the whole thing. It is as you would imagine a Power Rangers match would be. Acrobatic, a little nonsensical, weird, and kind of charming. Relative to other “matches” I’ve covered on here that aren’t real professional things, like the CAW stuff, this does a better job than most of simulating what a match between these fictional characters would look like when translated to pro wrestling.
Not every thing that happens here makes sense in a professional wrestling way.
For example, that spot was one I went back to five or six times to try and see if I missed something. I don’t know that I did. I think it’s a double strike spot that cartoonishly sends both Our Heroes flying backwards, as it might in a fight scene on the show.
The finish works along these same lines, a delightful attempt at translating that into this, leading to a fireball spot that misses by a thousand miles and results in a Shooting Star Press style bump from the Red Ranger.
(He may have also shot him with a gun. That would be out of character, but it looks more like that, and would finally be an answer to the age old moron question of “NO DQ? WHY DOESN’T HE JUST SHOOT HIM????”)
The greatest translation of show to wrestling may come after the match as, despite being shot with a firearm or had fire thrown at them, the Red Ranger is willing to let bygones be bygones and Our Heroes embrace once again.
A lot of you commission reviews of bad matches or matches that are not great. Of all of these matches, not a one of them was as weird or as short, and therefore as worthwhile, as this match. It is the best use of money any of you have shown yet, outside of exposing me to all-time level great matches I hadn’t seen before.
Fuck it.
HANDWERK 