Kenny Omega vs. Moose, Impact Against All Odds 2021 (6/12/2021)

Commissions return again, this one coming from longtime reader Bren. You can be like them and pay me to write about all types of stuff. People tend to choose wrestling matches, but very little is entirely off the table, so long as I haven’t written about it before (and please, come prepared with a date or show name or something if it isn’t obvious). You can commission a piece of writing of your choosing by heading on over to www.ko-fi.com/elhijodelsimon. The current rate is $5/match or $5/started half hour of a thing (example: an 89 minute movie is $15, a 92 minute one is $20), and if you have some aim that cannot be figured out through simple multiplication, feel free to hit the DMs on Twitter or Ko-fi. 

This was for Omega’s Impact Heavyweight Title.

I suppose this is what the commissions are for. Making me watch a match that I absolutely would not have written about otherwise. Usually, I intend for that to be like 70s stuff or French Catch or old Chicago footage, and not a match that happened in a year I already talked about and that, instinctively, repelled me so much that I didn’t even consider watching it.

There’s a version of this that works, maybe three or four years earlier when Kenny had a genuine Midas touch. Moose works heel, throws him around, add in some props, and take it home in fifteen or less. Maybe not great, but, you know, breezy and watchable.

Unfortunately, they met at the worst possible time for these two to ever meet.

First, it happens in the middle of the pandemic. The first thing about this that stands out, now that this period has been over for a solid two years and counting, is how much I don’t miss pandemic wrestling, and how much it sucks to watch at in retrospect.

Yes, I wrote a lot of positive things about a lot of pandemic era wrestling, when that was all that was available on TV from the two big companies (and also Impact, I guess). Given what the situation in the world was, there wasn’t a reasonable alternative, so everyone made due. The best wrestlers made something of it, using the lack of anything else to focus on very good wrestling, and when that happened, the things that made it so hard to watch — the emptiness of the buildings, the community theatre black box style atmosphere with other wrestlers pretending to be a crowd, the total lack of atmosphere — had a way of disappearing. It really had a way of emphasizing, at least in a purely mechanical sense, what good wrestling was and what bad wrestling was.

On a nuts and bolts level, it’s no good. Overlong, boring, full of work with no real point as both the work on Omega’s back and Moose’s arm are both never interesting to watch or executed all that well or sold very well and barely even matter. There’s a lot of sloppiness here too, as Omega is very clearly wrestling hurt as he did throughout this entire run, which really has a way of hurting a guy whose greatest virtue is/was his athleticism. On a level beyond that, it is also bad.

The other thing is that, independent of the environment, it is also just bad wrestling, as Omega meets a real average-at-best wrestler at his own creative nadir, at a point where any version of the smoke and mirrors show was not only not available to them, but because of what he was doing as a character and how that was shown in the ring, he also wasn’t in a place where that sort of match would ever have happened, or at least in one where it wouldn’t have made any sense. The addendum to the commission was that, “this was the best that the Kenny Belt Collector bit worked”, and I don’t know if that’s true or if I have any hard opinion about if it was or wasn’t or what match I would say it worked better in (maybe the title loss to Christian?), but truthfully, that was a bad bit that saw Omega focus on all of the things he does poorly (being a convincing heel in the ring, being a convincing heel outside of the ring, basic striking, etc.) resulting in the worst run of his career.

Looking at it from farther away, I maybe get it.

The idea of a guy big enough for Omega’s (godawful phony bullshit) heel routine to feel like less of a put-on against, leaning sort of into Kenny’s obvious injuries by having him struggle to lift Moose for his move and also having Moose attack a bad back in the first half, all of that.

But like the idea of Omega as a long-term heel champion itself, it falls apart when you actually have to look at it from more than a thousand miles up in the sky.

Moose is bad at all the things this match asks of him, so much so that it feels like nobody putting this together (or maybe at any point in his TNA run) ever got why or how he worked in ROH to the extent that he did like five or six years earlier, and like all of his matches in this run, it also asks Omega to do the opposite of everything he’s actually good at too. It’s an empty house, a model home to show off that maybe looks nice at a passing glance, but with nothing actually inside. 

It’s bad pro wrestling.

Not the worst thing in the world, lord knows Kenny has had many many worse matches than this, some in this very reign, but the exact sort of match that in the process of writing about and trying to deliver what I think a commission warrants (rather than what I would likely do had I seen it of my own free will, which is turn it off after like five minutes, realizing I would get nothing from this, and forgetting about it within 45 seconds), I like less and less the more time I have to spend thinking about.

I have no idea why anyone would like this or what they would see in it, but I appreciate the money.

Jay Lethal vs. Roderick Strong vs. Jay Briscoe vs. Kyle O’Reilly vs. ACH vs. Moose, ROH Conquest Tour: San Antonio (4/23/2016)

This is a frustrating match.

Not entirely just because one-third to one-half of the match has been accused of different types of misconduct and/or just tweeted out some real vile shit in the past, because shit, we’re talking indie wrestling in the back half of the 2020s. More so because I don’t really know how to sell it to you, between that aspect, that it’s a post-2015 ROH match without a big reputation, but also because it’s not the sort of match I can sit down and tap into probably undiagnosed ADD to spew a thousand words about.

It’s all action.

Big ass fireworks show, almost all killer and very little filler.

A pure sugar rush, but whatever, all things in moderation. As long as you don’t go around acting like it’s a real meal, and as long as nobody goes around calling this (or matches like it) some type of real elite-level all-time chunk of pro wrestling, there’s no harm in celebrating something that worked as well as this did.

I think it’s impressive enough to note when covering the year, as it’s so easy for matches like these to be far worse than this was. Plug in a hundred of them, a bunch of ROH four ways in the golden age a decade prior, but this works. There’s not much of a story to it, but it all just kind of fucking rules. Rare match ups like Kyle vs. Jay Briscoe or Roderick Strong vs. ACH, rare for ROH match ups like Kyle vs. ACH, old hits like Jay vs. Jay, Jay(s) vs. Roddy, and Roddy vs. Kyle. A thousand things happen in a row, and with wrestlers this good (and also Moose), they’re all great.

An ROH version of one of the better NBA All Star Games. Totally inessential, but overwhelmingly fun.

***1/4

Roderick Strong vs. Moose, ROH Supercard of Honor X Night One (4/1/2016)

One of the great Roderick Strong miracles.

(I’ve sort of come to the conclusion recently that maybe my whole rule about talking less about terrible people doesn’t really mean anything when they’re already in major companies? Like, for people still out there on the periphery that you know are just waiting to come back like a Dave Starr or Marty Scurll or Travis Banks, yeah, I don’t want to be the cause of some jerkoff going “yeah, they were good/great weren’t they?”. Obviously, that would feel horrible. But with like fucking Moose or Matt Riddle or Darby Allin or Jay Lethal, or whoever else along those lines, like what the fuck am I gonna do? Now, that’s not to say every match these guys have needs to be covered, but when it’s real great or when there’s a point I want to make, sure.

There’s an area somewhere between giving shitty people undue coverage and giving an accurate picture of the years I’m covering here, and I’m probably never going to be totally sure of the exact borders of that area.)

Anyways.

It’s classic Rod Dog here. Moose is no great wrestler, he’ll be in TNA in a few months, and as far as I’ve seen, that’s when the improvement he showed in 2015 stops. But he can throw a decent right hand uppercut and he’s about as good an athlete as you’d expect given his actual athletic background. It’s exactly enough for Roderick Strong to turn in another above-and-beyond workman style effort.

Not the greatest match in the world, very much the second match on the show, but overwhelmingly impressive all the same. Roderick not only pinballs his ass off for the big guy, but believably rocks him time and time again. There’s a balancing act here that Roddy does that I find just so impressive. Not only making Moose look great, which isn’t always the easiest task, but also in controlling him at points and rocking the big guy late in the match with some legitimacy to it. It’s one of the great unheralded cagey performances from Strong’s peak 2015-2016 run here, just walking perfectly along that tightrope in such an admirable way. One gets a sense that Moose is always a move away from coming back and then another from winning, and at the same time, also how much better overall Roddy still is. It’s always something he has to work for, as seen with it taking three of Roddy’s gorgeous leaping knees in a row to finish the big asshole off, but it’s always something within reach. Most impressively is that he does so, now as a full heel in his final months in ROH, without ever being likeable or admirable. It’s such a hard space to exist in, and Roderick Strong does it maybe better than anybody of his generation, outside of maybe Punk and Bryan.

Given the long and extensive career of miracles and master classes that Roderick Strong has put on with all sorts of different bad to mediocre wrestlers, it’s hard to really pick one out and say this is absolutely THE most impressive one. You can try, there’s so many that most people probably wouldn’t argue about it, but this is one more great one for the pile given not only Moose’s inexperience, but his size and track record as well.

One to fall between the cracks given all that happened over 2016’s WrestleMania weekend, but one that I think is worth noting, because it’s one of the more impressive things Roddy’s ever pulled off.

***

Cedric Alexander vs. Moose, ROH All Star Extravaganza VII (9/18/2015)

This was a No Disqualification match to end the feud.

It doesn’t mean all that much, I don’t imagine, to say that this is Moose’s career match. However, this is Moose’s career match.

What we have here is something that in 2021, feels like a total lost art, and that’s a midcard gimmick match blowoff.

It’s not artful, but there is an art to it. Being able to steal the show without going more than fifteen minutes or killing the rest of the show, it’s a hard thing to do successfully. One of the big strengths of ROH in 2014 and 2015 is being able to do this time and time again, when nobody else really is, and Cedric once again is at the forefront of a match like this.

As for the match itself, there’s nothing all that complex about it, it works exactly like it’s supposed to. The big guy babyface throws him around before the evil woman gets involved. Cedric controls through cheating and the pure wiles gained through the experience that his opponent simply lacks. It’s not AS effective as it can be, given that Moose is who he is in and out of the ring, but the theory is sound and Alexander carries it off as well as possible. Everything is sharp as heel, and if he’s not a perfect heel (or even a great one, really), he’s willing to absolutely die multiple times in a match like this, and it makes it all work. All Moose really has to do is be there and get his feet on the X at the right time, and the production does its job around him.

They come to a wonderful little end, as all the things built up for month get blown off in one wonderful sequence. Cedric misfires and hits Veda as a result of the overzealousness that got them both into this mess. Stokely Hathaway takes away Alexander’s steel wrench and hits him with it, leading to Moose spearing him through a table (that absolutely explodes instead of simply cracking) to finally get his win on Cedric.

A delightful end to a delightful feud and one of the more fun matches of the year. The sort of specific thing that’s stuck around my memory hole for years and years.

***1/4

 

Cedric Alexander vs. Moose, ROH Death Before Dishonor XIII (7/24/2015)

photo credit to Zalaphoto

Since their first meeting two months prior, things have become slightly more interesting, as Veda Scott has split from Moose and Stokely Hathaway to team up with Cedric, following accidentally helping him break Moose’s undefeated streak anyways. It’s a minor development, but as is common for ROH’s nice little midcard angles in 2014 and 2015, one that also feels like the resolution to a lot of smaller long term stories. It’s a really fun pairing that gives a talented wrestler and a natural manager something to do, at least for the duration of this program, before ROH remembers who they are and again decides to put poor Cedric back underneath the surface of the Earth.

This is not the end of the program though, thankfully.

It’s another nice mid-feud match from the Ring of Honor midcard, and another example of one of the best things about the company at this point.

As a match, there’s nothing all that fancy to it. Cedric bumps a lot, stooges a little, and gets more out of Moose once again than virtually anyone else in Moose’s career has been able to do. He’s not a perfect heel, but more than a lot of Cedric’s high energy babyface peers, he adapts himself to the new role without much of a stutter step at all. Moose is still rough and shows his inexperience in about a third of the faster portions of the match, but Cedric gets him through the rest in admirable fashion. Cedric wrestles a style that makes it hard to discern what his best performance is (at this point, anyways, that’s an answer that becomes clearer in 2016), but this is up there with the very best. If not because of the heights the match itself reached, than in terms of the material that he had to work with.

Like the feud itself, the ending isn’t anything special or all that inventive, but it just all comes together very well.

Moose goes back to some old habits and goes after Veda outside, but intercepts the Cedric Alexander cheap shot that it’s supposed to set up. The referee gets involved with the seconds outside after that, but it’s all actually a smoke screen as Veda dropped the wrench on the apron out of sight. Moose tries his spear, but Cedric Alexander hits him with the wrench once again and steals a second win.

It’s a great little piece of feud advancement. It’s a little rougher because in retrospect, nobody should support Moose and even here, he’s not exactly the most endearing or immediately likeable guy in the world. He’s just a big guy, so it’s all kind of theoretical, but the booking is smart and simple, and it probably works in ninety to ninety five percent of all situations throughout wrestling history. The first time, it was an accident. The second time, it was a set up. Theoretically, you get mad both times, but for different reasons. You get mad the first time that Cedric pulled it out of nowhere, a fluke that you didn’t want to see happen. You get mad the second time that they outright stole it, creating a great need for revenge. Run it with a babyface people really love, and everyone wants to see him get that.

That’s not Moose, it never will be, but the want for a third match and a blowoff is still stronger now after the match than it was coming in. It’s hard not to see that as a victory.

A delightful continuation of one of the best small feuds of the year.

***

 

Cedric Alexander vs. Moose, ROH Global Wars 2015 Night Two (5/16/2015)

Cedric Alexander once again goes big to try and end his streak, now by also ending someone else’s, and calls out the undefeated Moose.

Primarily, this is another one of those fun little pieces of 2014-2015 ROH booking and yet another minor television hoot.

It’s a pure sprint, clearly led by Cedric, because that’s the only way Moose is doing anything at this point. It’s another of these good performances in more minor matches from Cedric Alexander where he’s desperate and urgent and on the edge of madness with every nearfall. The offense is as crisp as always from the guy at this point, but it’s the character work that does it here. Like is so often the case with matches like this in ROH during this few year resurgence, it’s a really good match before they get creative, and then those touches just help to put it over the top.

The match benefits from being the breaking point for Alexander after six months of this, but also by being the breaking point for the Moose character too. He hasn’t been beaten in his first year, but is being pulled in different directions by babyface friend/manager Stokely Hathaway who is fine with Moose just mowing people down and then more traditionally evil manager/lawyer Veda Scott who wants him to be meaner and hurt people. So long as he keeps winning, there is no problem, but at some point, someone wins the tug of war.

In the end, Veda gets a wrench out from under the ring after Cedric has gone on a run of offense. Moose was able to cut him off, but Alexander got further against Moose than anyone else did by simply going insane with the corner dropkicks to the point that Moose briefly looked knocked out. When she hands the wrench to Moose though, he refuses to take it, until Alexander grabs it from him. Alexander takes it, knocks Moose out, and becomes the first one to pin him.

Again, this is hardly the work of genius, but it’s some great smaller scale booking.

Both streaks end, Cedric finally turns, and it’s the accidental (as opposed to their more intentional pairing off weeks after this) birth of the similarly fun-but-underappreciated Cedric/Veda pairing. The start of one of the great forgotten mid-2010s ROH feuds, both for reasons understandable (Moose is a shithead) and not (ROH’s failure once again to do anything with Alexander, even with a fun angle and turn).

It’s one of my favorite minor feuds of the decade though, and I immediately trust almost anyone who speaks positively about it.

***

 

Tommaso Ciampa vs. Matt Sydal vs. Cedric Alexander vs. Caprice Coleman vs. Andrew Everett vs. Moose, ROH Supercard of Honor IX (3/27/2015)

An awesome fireworks show.

These can be real middling a lot of the time because ROH will shove in their dull project guys or people who can’t hang. This isn’t EXACTLY an exception because Caprice Coleman is not as good as the others in this match and Moose is exactly a project guy, but there’s too much talent otherwise. The multiple bump freaks in this match help Moose a ton and Caprice is mostly there to illustrate the toll that Cedric Alexander’s losing streak is taking on him by alienating his former mentor and partner. It’s pretty short too, allowing for zero dead air.

Nothing worth hunting down and nothing that exactly deserves superlatives, but a stellar little undercard match primarily carried off by two of the best in the world.

Another of these great little undercard nuggets from ROH.

three boy